


i stand close to him

by rosasdeesperanca



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Charles is an author, Erik Has Feelings, Erik is his editor, M/M, they are absolutely adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 19:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20087599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosasdeesperanca/pseuds/rosasdeesperanca
Summary: Charles is a bestselling author, usually he writes romance but this time he wrote a book of poems. At first, he thinks his editor hates it but it turns out, poetry is how they get to know how they both truly feel





	i stand close to him

“So you hate it?” Charles said right after Erik sat on his couch. 

“I didn’t say that! I didn’t even say a word yet.” Erik said, bewildered. 

“Well, you didn’t sound too enthusiastic on the phone and now you’re making that face!” He said as he gestured over Erik’s face. 

“What face?” He questioned as he was raising his eyebrows 

“Your something’s-wrong face and you know it.”

“Well, you are wrong. It was wonderful, I even cried but that’s not the point.”

Charles was properly shocked when he asked in a whisper “You cried?”

Erik looked fond and upset at the same time, which Charles learned to deal with since they started working with each other almost 4 years ago “Yes and not only once. The way you talked about the abuse you’ve been through, the silence, the way you felt invisible to your family and at the same time like the black sheep. Everything was so real and honest. Like you shared the deepest parts of your soul with the world. It’s the best thing i’ve read in a long time. My only fear is that not everyone is going to support that choice and your audience is not used to that at all. I mean poetry, Charles. A play about farm animals would’ve been the only thing further away from what you usually write.”

Charles looked down when he said “Does it even matter? I know that no one was planning on me writing poems mostly not so personal. But that’s what I needed to write, that’s why I left for Westchester for a while. I needed to find out how i truly feel, to be on my own. I know it’s different from my cute little rom-coms but-“

“They are not just ‘cute little rom-coms’ to me, Charles.” Erik cut mid-sentence “First love stories between mutants, same sex relationships. It’s not just a Nicholas Sparks‘ novel, it’s more than that. You gave representation to people who had none. It matters to me and it matters to your readers. And I love Emma and Azazel but you know they care about selling more than anything else and your last two books were bestsellers, they’re going to doubt that this one will sell as well as they did.”

“Since when do you care about what they think?” Charles was confused, Erik never gave a damn about what they thought if he did think it was right, if he thought the book was good. He fought for many of shared artistic choices and he was arguably better at defending his ideas by raising his voice and telling everyone to fuck off than Charles was. So he often let Erik convince the member of his publishing house that the author had the last word and chose to keep whatever element he wanted. 

“I don’t. I just know they are going to treat that as the book that doesn’t sell, many bestselling authors have one. It’s personal or it’s different but it doesn’t sell because people buy a formula. I don’t want a book you so obviously put out your heart in, getting treated like this. That’s all.” Erik said in a single breath. 

“Erik, I don’t care if it sells. I told you that I needed to write these poems. I needed to talk about my feelings rather than living them through characters. I know some of my readers will feel close to it, some might not. But it’s not the point. I only want to share it just like I did with my other books, only it’s not a novel, it’s not fiction. It’s poetry. It’s the only thing that is truly different, I always wanted transparency about how I felt with my readers, nothing better than poetry for this.”

Erik smiled fondly “No, you’re right. It doesn’t matter to me or to you if it’s a bestseller. And if it is it would be a great pride for you, to have such a change accepted greatly. I’m going to give my all for this book the way I did for the last four years. I have a question though...”

Charles only nodded “Anything you want to know, my friend.”

“Do I know this man you were talking about? There’s so much longing, sadness and love. I was fascinated by those poems.”

Charles felt like a deer caught in headlights. ‘Way to go Xavier, write about your editor thinking he’s not going to ask any question about it. You bloody genius.’ How could he tell him that he knew the person he was talking about pretty well since it was him? Charles was lost in “hm” and incomprehensible babbling. 

“It’s fine, you don’t need to tell me. It’s quite personal, I wou-“

“It’s you.” And the words got out before Charles could think about it. It startled both of them. Erik was looking at him with the biggest eyes he’d ever seen, blinking rapidly. Charles was on the edge of fainting, he couldn’t even move. 

Erik took several deep breaths before he could speak “And when I am walking,   
I stand close to him.   
Never too close or he might notice,  
never too close or I might not perceive every shade in his eyes,  
the colour of a tumultuous sea.   
I stand close to him, yet  
never close enough to hold him” after he took a breath “That was about me?”

Charles nodded “I’m sorry if it embarrasses you or-“

“Embarrasses me?” He said with a snort “I’ve been pining over you for 4 years, I think it’s the best fucking news I’ve heard in months, no years. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if I’m not in a dream and going to wake up soon, cursing my subconscious.”

“You can’t be asleep, we cannot be dreaming about the same thing” Charles said softly, then laughed “I’m sorry that was so cheesy and cringey of me.”

“Charles” Erik started, cupping Charles’ face “As I said, pining over you for 4 years. I know you say things like that all the time. You made me roll my eyes so bad once I thought they left my body.”

“Thank you for that! I saw you roll your eyes more times than I can count.” 

“People are annoying. You’re endearing.”

Charles wasn’t giggling he wasn’t, and Erik was definitely not looking at him like he just stole the moon for him. That’s what they told themselves. “You’re getting soft, you know that?” Charles almost whispered. 

“Don’t care.” 

As he finally kissed him, it felt like riding on a rollercoaster in Charles’s body. It felt like everything he dreamed of and more. And Erik felt like every piece of him was mending with a single kiss. He could taste the last tea Charles drank, strawberry. He couldn’t wait to find how every flavour felt on his tongue. Soon enough, it became heated. And Erik was pulling at Charles’s shirt frenziedly. But Charles only laughed. “We’re not going to have sex minutes away from me revealing those poems were about you, absolutely not.” 

Erik pouted, and it was the first time Charles ever saw this expression on him. “But-“ he started. 

Charles only kissed him another time softly.   
“No but. We’re doing things right. Romance and all, we deserve it. The sex can wait, after all it did for four years.”

“You’re going to kill me, Xavier. What do you say about that?” He whispered to his lips, caressing his hair. 

“I love you.” He whispered back as he gave him a chaste kiss. 

Erik smiled at him with all his teeth “I love you too.” He laughed lightheartedly “It feels good to say it. Still sure we can’t have sex?” 

Charles laughed back “Nah, I’m treating you to your favourite restaurant. We’re going to walk around central park hand in hand. And for the first time, it’s not going to be time spent together for work or out of mutual friendship, it will be as a couple and it matters to me. Of course, if everything turns out perfectly...we might as well end up in the same bed.”

“You’re right and it matters to me too. To share things with you but differently. And we’re definitely going to end up in the same bed. That’s our destiny Charles.” He said with a contented smirk

“Oh, is that so?” Charles said as he was raising his eyebrows. 

“Hm hm, my sheets were waiting for you. Yours were waiting for me. That’s how it should be.” Erik said as he was 

“You mean your wonderful magenta silk sheets? I can see myself underneath.” 

Erik closed his eyes “Don’t tempt me, I have to stay strong. Until tonight at least. Because I’m going to ravish you for days after that.” 

Charles laughed softly, raising an eyebrow “Days, uh?” 

Erik made Charles straddle him “Many days, in fact we’re not going to leave ever. We’ll say we’re working on your next book. We value hard work, right?” 

Charles agreed “Hard work. Definitely, yes.” 

Erik kissed him again with more confidence but still with delicacy. Taking his sweet time because he did have it now. Caressing Charles’ hair, threading his fingers through it. What a wonderful turn of event. He had never thought he would share something like this with Erik. Okay, maybe he had thought about it but he never really believed it would happen. He couldn’t remember the last he felt so alive. These last months had been draining, he had chose to go through that and it had been cathartic but it really felt good to not feel so heavy. 

Erik let go of the kiss, still holding his face “So, the plan is walking in our park then you’ll invite me to my favourite restaurant then...I don’t want to say your place or mine. But that’s pretty much what I want to say.”

Charles laughed “So now Central Park is our park?”

He nodded “Pretty sure you could buy it.”

“I don’t think anyone can actually buy Central Park, Erik.” 

“I didn’t talk about anyone, I talked about you. You could convince a whole street that the sky was red if you wanted.”

“You might be right but let’s never find out, okay? We should go.” Charles said as he got up. 

Erik followed closely as Charles put on his jacket and left the apartment. The sun was still shining brightly outside. It was a sunny spring this year, flowers and feelings blossoming. And Charles felt so warm, so incredibly safe. Erik was holding his hand in the streets, in the park. He never seemed to let go. It didn’t even feel real. How could any of this feel real? The last months had been darkness and silence. With a few rare moments where he could actually enjoy the garden back there. With it wasn’t enough to feel at home, it had never been. He grew used to the loneliness, it was peculiar to have someone so close, so willing to stay. Someone who always believed in him, respected his own pace. Someone who stood by his side, always.

“Charles, are you here with me?” Erik looked concerned. 

“I am, I was just thinking. Let’s sit down.” 

Erik didn’t look perfectly convinced but he never was, he was constantly worrying. It was something Charles wasn’t used to. Nevertheless, he sat down next to Charles, both palms up on his knees. 

“Oh look this swan is hanging out with the ducks, how adorable.” Charles said excitedly. 

“Sounds like an Andersen fairy tale.”

He turned to smile at him “It truly does.”

“You know I really don’t need another fancy restaurant. Let’s just order a pizza back to my place.” 

Charles nodded “If that’s what you prefer, it’s fine by me.”

Erik smiled “It’s perfect. I am tired of crowded places anyway.”

“Yeah, me too.” He sighed. 

They shared a look and they never understood “right place, right time” more in their lives than in that particular moment. Arriving to Erik’s apartment took both a second and forever. It was so exhilarating just to walk with Erik, just to share a few looks, few smiles, few words. He had never felt like this and was sure that was how love should feel like. Light but full of meaning. Free but kept close to your heart, always. And perhaps, it was about time Charles felt a bit of happiness. He could feel it was time for Erik too. 

Back to his place, they shared a pizza watching the film adaptation of Charles’ first book. Charles was satisfied with it, after all he had co-written the script, he really wanted to be a part of this project. And he ended being proud of it, seeing two mutants of the same sex being in love, even if it was just a little bit sappy made him happy. That would make many people feel safer, like they could belong and be loved and that was the only thing that mattered to him. 

“It’s funny how they sent the film to you and not me.” Charles said, emotion still there in his voice. 

“Well, technically they sent it to Azazel but I wanted you to see it first.” 

It touched him. Those things always did. All the times he let Charles have the last word on everything, let him know he appreciated his work, respected him as a person, wanted to know what he thought about anything they worked on above everything else was so important to him. He couldn’t put into words how much it meant to him so he just held him, so tight and said “Thank you.”

Erik laughed softly “My pleasure. I want you to know that your book getting adapted is the only reason why I watched a rom-com.” 

“Oh please. I’m sure you’re a true romantic deep down and you love happy endings.” Charles teased as he let go of the embrace. 

Erik rolled his eyes “Okay, I kinda like yours. They always make sense and are soft. How do you make them so soft?” 

He shrugged with a laugh “I really don’t know. I just do.” 

He smiled “Do you know how much I love you?”

Charles shook his head. 

“More than you could ever imagine.”

“That’s a lot.” 

Erik nodded “And it’s only growing.”

“Like the sunflowers we saw last April?” 

“Exactly like these sunflowers.”

Charles felt the same warmth he had felt, only it was stronger now. And it still fitted perfectly. Charles wondered how anything could feel so unreal and too good to be true and still fit into his heart the way that it did. 

While Charles has been in the bathroom, Erik was in his in room waiting for him and he really tried not to overthink this. They didn’t have to do anything unless they both wanted to. He tried to remain calm. This had been a good day, a wonderful day even, there was no place for anxiety. He took a breath and left the bathroom and arrived in Erik’s bedroom. To find him asleep in the middle of the bed. Charles smiled to himself, whispering “l can’t believe you already fell asleep.” 

He lied down next to him, getting to admire him like this for the very first time. He looked so peaceful and comfortable. It made Charles’ heart ache in a beautiful way. It seemed that today had been full of great firsts. And it was just the start. Charles couldn’t wait for the rest of it. Before he closed his eyes, he held Erik closer and whispered again “There’s something you should know, I love you more than you could ever imagine.”


End file.
